Roxanne the Adorable African Grey

Roxanne the Adorable African Grey
Wouldn't you like to work for me?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Brush up your Shakespeare

I am inspired by my Executive Assistant's readings of late.
She has been immersed in Macbeth. 
I am improving my vocabulary daily.  'Hark' is a new favorite, as is 'bodkin'. 

'To be, or not to be...'    
Good question for Cracker (aka: Silvio) at around 6 am when he first woke me today.

Methought I heard a parrot cry, “Sleep no more!
Silvio does murder sleep”—the innocent sleep,

(which explains why Silvio woke ME! After all, I never claimed to be innocent. 
One so well informed would be displaying false modesty to claim 'innocence'---nes pa?)

Sleep that zips up the frazzled feather of care,

Ah --- I wax poetic now when least expected!

This Shakespeare must have had a parrot.

Monday, September 26, 2011


I will be the first to give credit where credit is due.  My brother, Cracker (aka: Silvio) has been known to break me up on occasion.  It isn't that he's a brilliant linguist, or has a rapid-fire delivery.  His appeal is hard to explain. Let me give you one example: the other night it was bedtime. Cracker is less than calm at this time of night. Recently, the following scene played out for all the neighbors to hear---

Cracker:  Night-night treat-zy time!! YEA!!!!!
I want another one!  I want another one!  I want another one!!!
THERE IT IS ----- OH MY GOD!!! I want another one!!!

Me (Roxanne):  Haaaaaaaaaahahahahaha ----- GOOD NIGHT!!!!

OK - I'll admit it --- I have been easily amused lately.  I really need to get out more.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Late Night Conversation

Cracker: (aka Silvio the Umbrella Cockatoo) "Squawk..."
Freada: (aka My Executive Assistant) "Shhhhh..."
Cracker: "Squaawk..."
Freada: "SHhhhhhhhhhh..."
Cracker: "Squaaaaaaaaaaaawk!"
Cracker: "SQUAAAAAAAAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Freada: "Shut the f**k up!!!"
Cracker: "o-k..."

Roxanne: "SHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!!"

Sunday, September 18, 2011

OHHHHHH Brother!!

I was barely settled in to my home, and had just begun the training process for my servants when another parrot came on the scene.  I’ll admit, he is one gorgeous little Amazon, all yellow-crested with amazing plumage, but honestly?  Dumb as a stump.
My main servant, Freada spent an inordinate amount of time researching Portuguese words, seeking a suitable name for him.  Poor little guy! He had been abandoned, and then caught up in a nasty divorce.  Servants can really pluck you up—if you follow me.
This naming process was arduous.  Finally hitting upon a word that meant “Golden Opportunity”, in reference to his amazing gold eyes, Freada chose ‘Propicio’.  Right----
What they didn’t know is this little guy was trying very hard to tell them his name.  So I was finally forced to pass the information on, just to keep some semblance of what was left of my sanity!
He kept saying, ‘rip---rip-----rip------‘ .
After a couple of days of this, I took the bird by the beak, so to speak.  I yelled back, “HEY-RIP!!!!"
He was so happy, he then began yelling “HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!!!!!
Be careful what you wish for.
Suffice it to say, his name in RIP.  He LOVES Freada, HATES Joe, which is the diametrical opposite of how I feel on any given day, so it’s a wash.
I have to say though, he smells sooooooooo good.  Reminds me of Jasmine and Gardenias and sexy music.  Did I just say that out loud?  RIP!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Manic Ride Home

I haven’t always led the privileged life I do today.  Not that I haven’t always deserved it – but realistically, I lost my youthful naiveté when my first servant decided to name me Elvis.  Young people just think they discovered ‘sexting’ (or is it sexing?).  At any rate, after the results of DNA tests, my gender was reassigned and I was given my true name, Roxanne.   I was hatched, and weaned from hand-feeding in South Florida – Native Floridian, and proud to be so. (Just don't call me Cracker -- than name has been assigned by me for my 'Too brother. See other posts for details.)

While with my first servant, I began my colorful and ever-expanding vocabulary, and the use thereof.  When she was no longer able to provide the care I demand, my new servants came along – gullible and inexperienced – just the way I like them.

A small truck was enlisted to transport my cage and play tree.  I allowed myself the safety of a small carrier with peep holes, ensconced in the front seat of a Firebird.  I thought, now we’re talking. Little did I know that thought was prophetic .

My driver/servant seemed unable to contain herself.  “Oh, Roxanne, I am so happy to have you...we are going to have so much fun and  I have new toys waiting for you and  I found some parrot training videos we can watch together and you can learn tricks and…. 

Oh  -  my  -  God.  Would this servant never stop talking?  When at last she took a breath, I gave my unvarnished opinion of her entire discourse with my favorite word at the time…


That shut her up. 

And I am proud to say I have astonished her on a daily basis ever sense.  
Admittedly, with some servants, that is not as amazing as it sounds.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

What's so funny?

I was trying to practice my music -- that's all. I have several tunes I'm working on and they require a lot of time and effort!  My favorite is the theme from 'The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly'.  I also like the intro to 'Singing in the Rain'.  I love writing my own music as well --- sort of a Jazz-Swing-Salsa fusion.  I'm very versatile.

Anyhow, when I try to warm up and practice early in the morning, Cracker --- I mean 'Silvio', squawks like a murder of crows.  This morning I lost it ! (again)    I told him in no uncertain terms, 'Shut up, and shut up ALL DAY!'

Apparently SOME Executive Assistants (who shall remain nameless) think my outrage is amusing.

Humans -- can't live with 'em--- can't live without 'em.  Honestly, I still can't figure out why she was laughing hysterically.  Was it something I said???

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


That's right --- R-E-A-L-L-Y is now my new fav word!!

"Where has Roxy been?', you must be asking yourselves, with dismay.  Glad you asked.  It's a long, boring story involving my Executive Assistant, something she calls 'kids' and 'grand kids' and 'relocating', which I have some personal knowledge of.   But let's not bore ourselves!  Let's talk about ME!

Contrary to popular opinion, I do not lead a charmed life.  For example: I am so OVER my brother, Silvio!  There's a reason they call him a 'too'.  He acts like he's "2" years old - I mean, can a girl get a break?  This 'Umbrella' (for lack of a nicer word) Cockatoo is a raging loon.  Bed time??  He starts jumping around yelling "Good-night Treat-zy Time" at the top of his substantial voice.  He hangs upside-down, capers, scampers, screeches and squeaks. I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y!  When he has issues, should the entire world have to know?

Here's the corker --- he has started saying a new word (all by himself, because I certainly didn't teach him THIS one).  Let's see if you can guess.  He's Big, White, Loud, Dumb, Silly, and LUVs his 'Mommy'.

Did you guess?  It's CRACKER!!! roflmtfo   (Roll on floor - laugh my tail feathers out).  Sooooooooooo----  Now I can say to him, "HEY, CRACKER!" -- and he doesn't even know he's getting his feathers tweaked!!  Haaaaaaaahahahaha  R-E-A-L-L-Y?!?!?  (Next time, don't ask.)