Hostage Situation!!!

It is 7:45 am, and I am soooooooo over this morning routine!

When 'Cracker' (aka: Silvo the Umbrella Cockatoo -- see photos below of his 'Shower Sequence')  first came to live with us, I felt sorry for his silly butt.  Now?  Not so much.  In truth, I feel self-pity in great swells that match his screeches.

Here's the drill:

5:30 am:
squawk............squawk.................squawk........................squawk........................

(That would be Cracker's bad imitation of Joe's alarm clock reminding him to take his morning meds -- but since Joe is home from work now with his bad back, we don't need to wake him at 5:30. Does Cracker care?  No!  Does he care that I don't want to get up before the sun. NO!)

5:40 am:
squawk........squawk..............squawk............................

(That would be Cracker's bad imitation of Joe's snooze alarm, which, we don't need either.)

Repeat above at 10 minute intervals until either your head explodes or 6:10 am comes and Cracker gets serious about his 'duties' as the family alarm clock.

6:10 am: squawk............squawk........  Squawk..............SQuawk....................SQUawk.............SQUAwk.............SQUAWk..............SQUAWK............................ SQUAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREECH...SCREECH..SCREECH........SCREEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!!ad nauseam

By no later than 6:30 am, MY Executive Assistant is folding birdie cage covers, getting fresh water, making snacks, and in general, waiting on Cracker instead of doing MY bidding, which is what she is paid to do.

Now I ask, IS THIS EQUITABLE?  

Even as I dictate, Cracker is on the couch beside My Assistant, hiding under an old table clothe he has adopted for his interminable 'peek-a-boo' sessions, while she tries to type, keep him from chewing the already-shredded couch cover, or from falling off the couch backwards.  This is what she must do every day of my life in order to keep the peace in the morning.  

HELP!  I'm being held hostage by a Cracker!!!